It’s been months of hiatus since the
last time I’ve written something here in my blog and now I’m making up to you
guys with a super lengthy post. Oh, how I missed writing big time! I was so
busy with school stuff that’s why I decided to take a break from
writing. Not that it is really something you take a break from but I felt like
I needed to focus on my study more because I was a graduating student, in case
you haven’t figured it out. Now I am proud to say that the one who have written
this blog post have graduated and earned a degree in Bachelor of Science in
Information Technology. IT. IS. ME!!! I am still in awe whenever I call myself
a “degree holder”. It is indeed a dream come true. (Now please excuse me while
I pinch myself.) I have to tell you that I have gone through worst before I
finally reach this milestone in my life. I almost gave up, admitted to myself
that I can’t do it and accepted that it is not the right time for me. But
there’s a little voice telling me that I should keep moving and that it is
not too late. It was too far from what is possible but still, I took a leap of
faith. And that’s the time I saw how God moves in His mighty ways. This post is inspired by Ate Rej's post, "On not graduating on time and “being left behind”" on Superaena. I first read it years ago and I was enlightened and moved. I read it again days before the graduation and now that I graduated, I decided to create my own to inspire and motivate not only the students having a hard time on college but also the people who are going through something and feel like they're starting to lose faith. Have I mentioned? It is not an accident that you stumbled upon this post. Believe me, this is really for you. 😊
I won’t go on details because I can’t
remember the exact happenings but I clearly remember what I’ve gone through –
particularly on our thesis. On January 4-7, we were scheduled to present the
90%-100% of our system. Our Capstone Project adviser told us that if we’re not
able to meet the said percentage, we cannot move on to the final defense. A
week before that, we were anxious about the presentation because our system
wasn’t even beyond 50%. We had Christmas break before the presentation and that
was supposed to be the time we are working on our system but I was nonchalant about it. Fortunately, our
group was moved to the second batch so our presentation was moved the next week.
It was a relief but I can’t be too comfortable because we had a lot to catch up
to meet at least 90% of the system. By the time we presented to Sir Sy, our
Programming Adviser, we already knew that we hadn’t reached the required
percentage. That wasn’t much of a heartbreak because I knew we still have a couple
of weeks before the final defense so he advised us to finish the system
beforehand. We had our system checked again by Sir Sy and he told us that we
can already present for the final defense though he still have some suggestions
for us to accomplish.
The week of our final defense schedule
came and we told our PA that we cannot present because we knew by heart that we
are not prepared and the system is definitely not ready. We didn’t want to mess
up in front of the panel. We started to really freak out that time. I badly wanted
to do something to help in the progress of our system but I didn’t know how
since I am not really into programming. I was in disarray because the way I see
things, we cannot make it on time. We even asked some help from some of the
groups who have finished on their defense but still, we didn’t have a total
progress. I was on the verge of quitting and I even accepted that I wouldn’t be
one of this year’s graduates. It hurts so much that by merely thinking of it, I
couldn’t help myself but cry even when I’m riding in a jeepney and walking on
the way home. I couldn’t remember how many times I have cried right after I
stepped on our door when I got home from school. I was on that point where any
forms of encouragement and a tap on the back didn’t seem to work on me anymore.
I chose to stay on the negative side and I’ve hurt many people along the way. Our
thesis did have a progress but I couldn’t say that it is enough. Our defense
was rescheduled and for the second time, we failed to present again. I was
expecting that we could already present that time. Well not just me, but our
team expected it. On the last minute before the time of our supposed-to-be
defense, Paje told me and Sandra that we couldn’t present yet because there were
still problems and discrepancies on our system. Everything came crashing down. I
was so disappointed and frustrated that time. I hated myself because I couldn’t
do something. I blamed myself that we procrastinated and wasted a lot of time
doing nonsense instead of working on our thesis. I was so frustrated that I
couldn’t hold back my tears. I was so disappointed and frustrated but I tried
to be stoic. For the record, I wished there was a cure-all for every kind of problems
in this world.
On that day, the night before I went
to sleep, I took a moment to reflect and assess myself. Do I deserve this? Have
I done something that I have to experience all of these? Have I neglected God?
Then the very last question hit me, right in the feels. I have realized that
I’ve neglected God. I’ve been so busy thinking how big our problem is that I’ve
forgotten how God is bigger than any problems. I’ve asked for other people’s
help that I’ve forgotten to rely on God first. I’ve seen all the negative things
that I’ve forgotten to thank Him for all the simple things I should be grateful
for. I admit it, my spiritual life was on its weakest point and I started to
lose faith. I prayed but it’s not the kind of prayer where I truly believe that
God is doing something. That time, for me, praying seemed like a mere
obligation to God more than a commitment to Him. And then that very moment, I opened
my heart and surrendered everything to God. I cried out to Him and prayed so
hard telling Him that I can’t do this on my own and asking Him to give our team
the strength to overcome this. I poured my heart out to God and He reminded me
of His promises. In His Words, I found comfort and the assurance that God moves
mightily when I put my faith and trust in Him. Here are some of the verses that
helped me cope up and lifted up the burdens in me:
- "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." (Psalm 55:22)
- "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)
- "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." (Mark 11:24)
- "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)
- "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)
Truly, God never fails us. I’ve seen
the progress we are making on our thesis and on February 19, we have finally presented for the final
defense. Though we still didn't have our grades yet because we had to present again
for the compliance of panel’s recommendations on the system, but still. It was
a big relief for us. We’re just one step closer to the goal. But the trials seemed
to never get tired of testing me over again. We had presented for the
compliance but one of the panelists rejected one of our system module not just
once, but thrice. This panelist had also done something that’s more than I
could take and I’d rather not say it. I’ve let my anger took over me and I’ve
felt so down again. But I kept on reminding myself of God’s promises. I didn’t
take time to worry but I entrusted everything to God and believe in what He can
do. He did it once and I believe He will do it again this time. He did! Paje
had fixed that one module in our system, we had presented on our panel, they
approved of the system and we finally had our grades for our thesis. We also
passed all our other subjects and submitted the hardbound copy of our thesis.
After all the circumstances that came our way, all I could really say is,
“Thank you Lord!”
Everything we’ve done and we’ve gone
through are like bubbles suddenly popped in the air. I felt like something
heavy is lifted off my chest. In every success, there will always be several
individuals behind. I would like to take this moment to thank everyone who have
been with me all throughout my journey in college and in one way and another
extended their help to complete our thesis. A million thank-you’s goes out...
To my dearest mom, my biggest fan, greatest cheerleader and best friend; to my siblings,
Angie, Richard and Raymond, for their utter belief in me and for making me laugh
by laughing at me when I cried because of school works. To my thesis mates, Sandra
and Paje, for the patience and never giving up. To our advisers, Sir Sy and Mam
Jen, our panelists, Sir Frank, Sir Vibar, and Mam Lany, for their unfailing support
and for serving as a motivation to us to keep moving forward. To my amazing
friends, Sandra, Allister, Gille, Jiselle, Shiela, Nehemiah, for not leaving me
high and dry and for being the best circle of friends in this world of “You-can-never-find-true-friends-in-college.”
To my high school friends, Stephen, Mike, Daniel, Renz, Cedie, Mhine, and also
Allister, Sandra, Gille, for making me weep in laughter in all our get-togethers
and conversations in the group chat. To my Bloc B family, for the laughters,
the tears (and the food) that we’ve shared all along. To my churchmates, for
the encouragements, guidance, prayers and always believing in me. To DOST-SEI,
for the financial assistance all throughout college. You guys don’t know how
many times I’ve made the stipend an inspiration to study harder and pass all my
subjects haha. And of course to God for answering my prayers and for always
being by my side everyday of my life; for rebuking me so that I could learn
from my mistakes; and for reminding me of your unending love for me. Thank you
for EVERYTHING. I would never be where I am right now and this would have
remained a dream if not because of You. Thank you forever.
After the four painstaking years of college, I can finally say with a hand on heart that all my hardworks are paid
off. Everything is slowly falling into place and I couldn’t get any happier. I
still can’t believe that April 1 marked the best day of my life and that it
would brought me such felicity that I’ve never felt before. I am a living
testimony that great things happen when you take a leap of faith. God moves in
his most amazing, unfathomable ways when we surrender ourselves to Him. He is
the God who makes the impossible things possible. He let us stumble and fall so
when we stand up, we are not making the same mistakes again. No matter what
you’re going through, I pray that you overcome it. I hope that this post
somehow ignite the fire in you. In the midst of every storm, the Lord will
always hold your hand so you won’t be apart from Him. As I end this post (finally), I am leaving
you with my favorite verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
- Tuesday, April 19, 2016
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